Somebody That I Used to Know
A little over two years ago, I wrote a post about a friend who “got away”. At that point, I was still dealing with quite a bit of anger specifically because I let myself be treated so badly.
Thankfully, I have forgiven myself and have come to understand that I need to extend myself the same grace and understanding that I do others (I’m much more gracious toward and forgiving of others, for some reason). In the last few years, however, I have also grown significantly in how I live out my belief that “I teach people how to treat me by what I will allow” (Steven Covey).
And while there are still times when I’m putting on my mascara that I think of specific comments and conversations, now I don’t refer to her as “a friend I used to have” when talking about her or referring to experiences I had with her to people who weren’t around when she was. Instead, I’ve caught myself saying “somebody that I used to know”. And for some reason, even this subtle shift in my language seems like a mountain of change–at least to me. Because when I used to say the former, it brought with it all kinds of emotions even though they were unspoken. And now when I say the latter, there’s nothing–neither good nor bad. Just nothing. And I like it that way because I can move through whatever conversation I’m having where I’m referring to our friendship or an experience we had without having to mask what is going on under the surface. I may even start referring to her that way to my friends and family who were there for all of it.
Great advice… how wonderful to be able to change your mind-set with the exchange of a few simple words. Change the words, change the definition!!! Love it!
I can completely relate to what you’re going through. I’ve had a friend like this in the distant past, but you’re much kinder about how you refer to her than I am lol. Although to my defense, I had let her abuse me and my friendship so much, that de