Somebody That I Used to Know

A little over two years ago, I wrote a post about a friend who “got away”. At that point, I was still dealing with quite a bit of anger specifically because I let myself be treated so badly.

Thankfully, I have forgiven myself and have come to understand that I need to extend myself the same grace and understanding that I do others (I’m much more gracious toward and forgiving of others, for some reason). In the last few years, however, I have also grown significantly in how I live out my belief that “I teach people how to treat me by what I will allow” (Steven Covey).

And while there are still times when I’m putting on my mascara that I think of specific comments and conversations, now I don’t refer to her as “a friend I used to have” when talking about her or referring to experiences I had with her to people who weren’t around when she was. Instead, I’ve caught myself saying “somebody that I used to know”. And for some reason, even this subtle shift in my language seems like a mountain of change–at least to me. Because when I used to say the former, it brought with it all kinds of emotions even though they were unspoken. And now when I say the latter, there’s nothing–neither good nor bad. Just nothing. And I like it that way because I can move through whatever conversation I’m having where I’m referring to our friendship or an experience we had without having to mask what is going on under the surface. I may even start referring to her that way to my friends and family who were there for all of it.

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