Problem
On September 9, 2011, I started a 30-Day Blog Challenge. To see all 30 prompts for this challenge (and Day 1′s response), click here. And then return to Life is Grace until October 9th, to read my answers/responses.
Day 27: A problem you have or have had in the past
I tend to feel responsible for things (read: guilty), even when I’m not. It’s quite ridiculous!
For instance, there is a woman who lives across the street from us and has 2 dogs. One of them is adorable (Lilly), the other is a grouch (Oscar–no, I’m not kidding… I guess we do live up to our names sometimes!). Often, when I take Ollie outside–whether just to get the mail or for a quick walk, her garage door goes up and out she comes with her two dogs. It’s gotten to the point where I’m wondering if she’s sitting at her front window waiting for us!!!? 🙂
Lilly and Ollie love to play together, And it’s so much fun to watch them. He really likes playing chase with her. But their play dates often last at least 20 minutes. All the while, Oscar stands there on his leash and growls. Ugh. So what I intend to be a quick jaunt to the mailbox turns into a long play session. And sometimes I don’t have the time. I’ve also found that Lilly’s mom isn’t so great at taking a hint. She’s also not that good at picking up on my not-so-subtle signals either… Things like “OK Lilly, we’ve had so much fun but Ollie and I need to go inside” seem to make no impression; she makes no move to scoop up Lilly or put her back on her leash. And when I tell Ollie to come inside, he does. While she stands there talking about how much Lilly loves to play with Ollie. Well, if Oscar’s growling is any indication, it’s no wonder she loves to play with Ollie!!
I’m embarrassed to say that the last time I took Ollie outside, Lilly and Oscar’s mom was there with Lilly and Oscar. So I very quickly headed around the corner with Ollie to avoid her. Pretty bad, huh? She already had Lilly off her leash and I assumed they were expecting a play date. So instead, we took a walk around the block! Of course, Ollie loved our walk, and I did too. But what I didn’t like was that I had chosen to avoid her rather than just saying: “We don’t have time to play today”, or “we can only play for a few minutes today”.
Seriously, what’s my problem that I can’t look this woman in the face, even tell her that I work from home and then scoop up my dog and go inside? It’s that I feel responsible… She hasn’t picked up on my subtle (and, well, not-so-subtle) cues, and I don’t want to be blunt with her. But apparently, that’s what it’s going to take!
Hahahahah…. not laughing at your situation, rather at the fact that I feel your pain. It’s definitely not your fault, or in any way your responsibility for the way she feels, unless you’re just plain nasty to her (big doubts on that one). Some folks are clueless; it’s just their nature.
My guess would be that you feel the way you do, because you are a caring person and don’t relish the thought of causing anyone discomfort; hmmmm, but you feel uncomfortable!?!?!?!?!
Oh my, we could be “soul-sisters” on this issue!!
Personally, I too, have been struggling with this issue for a looooonnnnnnnggggggg time; however, I’m getting ready to enter into another decade, and I have to say that it seems to be getting easier to deal with, the older I get.
Situations get better with time; kind of like a fine wine. If all else fails, skip the time- thing and find yourself a fine wine!! 🙂
HA! Thanks, Carol!
You’re absolutely right: I dislike causing people pain and discomfort. But oh, I also don’t like the way I feel after I DON’T just speak my mind or tell the truth! It’s a catch-22. I am getting better at it, though. Because I’ve realized that I’d rather just tell people the truth than feel frustrated and/or angry after the fact.
I do have to say though, I LOVE your suggestion of finding a fine wine. That’ll help–though maybe I should wait until it’s not 11:30 in the morning. 🙂
This is your neighbor from across the street… just kidding! This can be difficult because you have to see her every day, so is better to keep a good relation with her. Maybe the best approach is first, get well acquainted with her that way you should be able to tell her directly that you are busy and have to go. There’s a saying in Spanish, la confianza da asco (familiarity disgust) it means that once you have enough familiarity with someone you can be direct about anything, without worries 😉
Haha!! I was actually thinking about that… what happens if she reads this blog? Well, then I guess I don’t need to worry about telling her, huh? 😉
I totally agree, and want to make sure I don’t make things strained between us. That, and our “kids” are friends! Thank you so much for your advice, Giovanna. I appreciate it!
Yes, I am in the same silly boat as you are! I have this friend who lives about 25 minutes outside of the town proper, comes into town every day and randomly drops in on friends throughout the day-having no home base in town, this friend just uses all of ours so that they can ‘be’ in town.
Of course you see the problem here. For one, I usually don’t have the time to babysit this person until it’s time to move to the next place and two, I DO NOT have enough to say to this person to fill the time in which they insist upon staying.
The biggest problem: I, too work at home so I am forced to leave my art room and go to the living room or leave my 19 year old and the grandkids to entertain in my place. it’s become so uncomfortable that I will often keep my front door shut (usually keep it open to see some sunlight through the glass-screen door) in case they stop by we can hide (terrible, isn’t it?). My daughter, Megan will scoop up the kids and dash for upstairs and sneak down quietly when she hears a car start and ask “is the awkward-ness over yet?!”.And it’s not like I haven’t dropped some mega-heavy hints.
“Well, you are behind me in the driveway, I gotta run to the grocery store.” (actually got up and moved the vehicle so I could get out and then STAYED with my daughter while I was forced to go to the store even though I did not have to)
I don’t know why we just can’t come out and say, “look, I was planning on sitting in my jammies all day making messes with paint, ALONE, so I can enjoy the process…& you are screwing it up!”
Good luck with your situation!
Wow! That sounds kinda horrible… sounds like she needs to buy a house in town, rather than relying on everyone else (you)! Good luck with YOUR situation… it’s MUCH worse than mine is.