I’ve gone back and forth on this for several years now… I started a blog when I took my first hiatus from teaching in 2004, I tried to start one in graduate school (twice! the first time I was prompted by the 2008 election, and my desire to process my way through it; the second time I wanted to chronicle my engagement and wedding planning)–but they never lasted. The problem was that I’d write something and then weeks (or a month or two) would go by, and I wouldn’t write anything. So rather than just writing something when the urge hit again, I’d give up entirely.
I found that I was attaching to this “blogging thing” the same mindset I used to attach to my prayer journal. Thank the Lord He’s freed me from that mentality. But what I used to do with my prayer journal is that if I wasn’t entering something daily, I would try to “catch up” and make an entry for all those lost days! Seriously Melissa? Um yes. And if there were too many days that I couldn’t catch up, then I would give up and just stop making entries in my prayer journal, which often meant I’d stop praying. What a warped way of thinking and doing things! Call it perfectionism, call it a lack of understanding of grace, (call it C-R-A-Z-Y!) call it what you want, but this chick had NO IDEA! I still really don’t have much of an idea. But somewhere along the way, I began to see that it doesn’t matter if there isn’t an entry for every day. What matters is that I PRAY! And if I feel like writing something in my journal, then even better, because then I’ll have the opportunity somewhere down the road to look back over those entries and rejoice in God’s faithfulness. I’ll get to worship Him for the way He infuses every situation with grace and redemption. But if I choose not to write it down, then that’s OK too.
So back to blogging… The reason I just gave up entirely was because I couldn’t go in and “catch up” or fill in for all those “lost” days, because the computer automatically dates your blog post. And then all of you would know what a fraud I was!! 🙂 So rather than giving up this time, I’m determined to extend myself grace in this too (you’d think I could apply that to all areas of my life, but my goodness, it’s a lesson I have to be taught over and over (and over, and over…)). I may go days between posts, and I may go months. But I’m going to post! And I’m not going to give up.